because i'm writing my book....the blogs, as you've noticed, aren't coming as frequently. however....i've found a new love for video blogging/singing/sharing....and will definitely be doing that more often.
i wrote 'Black Monday' after realizing...that me getting mad at certain circumstances did absolutely nothing but ruin my day, my moment, my life. so i basically wrote this song as a reminder to me....that when things get crazy and i fly off the handle...the anger zone usually does nothing to change the circumstance, and if i actively DECIDE (i have a will, and i can always use it) to turn the corners of my mouth up and just SMILE....the heaviness lifts, my perspective changes, and life once again is lived with my head above the clouds i can do nothing about.
life isn't about avoiding trials....it's about lifting your head above them. you can't help it that your car won't start. you can't help it that you've got too much schoolwork. you can't help it that you spilled coffee all over the crotch of your white pants (haha). however, you can choose whether or not you're going to let it ruin your day.
so this song, is for all those 'Black Mondays' :
BLACK MONDAY
christa black
well, it looks like rain, so they say
but i don't care if blue turns grey
cause i decided it's gonna be a beautiful day
my umbrella broke, i'm getting soaked
so i might as well lay back and float
cause i decided it's gonna be a beautiful day
and though i can't change the weather, i can change whether or not
i'm gonna smile
CHORUS:
black monday you can't get me down
no no no
black monday turn yourself around
whoa, whoa, whoa
stop, cause i won't let you win
you won't defeat my week again
cause i'm convinced
that black monday
you won't get me down this time
looks like my car won't start
i'm late for work
oops, i just spilled coffee on my shirt
but i decided it's gonna be a beautiful day
and when the traffic is stuck i'll turn the radio up
and just enjoy the ride
and though i can't change the forecast i predict
today's my day to shine
xoxo, sista christa
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Treading Water....
wrote this song earlier this year with a couple of friends in the Nash (the always BFF Shane Stevens and miss Shari Reich). Shari came up with the title, and we popped this out like a teensy cake in an easy-bake oven. i love it when songs just pop out fast....sometimes they're work...they're crafted...but this one needed to come to the surface quickly.
the intro to the video says much of this...but just to elaborate.
do you have areas in your life...that you WANT to be moving forward in...you could be...you should be...but you just can't seem to go anywhere. it's it's a struggle to stay where you are....treading water...moving your hands and feet back and forth to keep your head above the surface of the water...just to keep air in your lungs?
i felt that way for years. i felt that if i couldn't get to shore...but if i quit struggling and fighting...i'd sink. sometimes i wanted to sink...i wanted to sink more than anything from exhaustion. sometime i just wanted to die, if i'm being honest...but deep down i never had the guts to just completely give up. the second i'd slip below the surface and start to suffocate...i'd start struggling again to get my head back up to the surface. we were created to fight...we were made to want life, even when life is hard...there's something deep down that knows there's hope, that knows there peace.
your situation might not be that extreme. it might be a job that you hate....a dead end workplace where you can't fulfill your dreams. it might be a guy....a friend...a family member....and you fight and fight to get somewhere and find yourself right back in the same place again. it might be a dream you've given up on....it seems too hard or too far off.
for YEARS i wanted things to change....but i didn't have a clue how to change them. i'd make plans...to lose weight...to get out and socialize more...to change this, to change that...to play my songs out to get 'discovered'....to get a better job....to use my college degree...to be a better friend, a better person....whatever. i'd want to change...but when it came down to it, the black hole destruction was bigger and stronger than anything, it seemed.
some of you need to get HELP. some of you need to finally crack, tell your parents you're struggling, tell your best friend, your pastor, your sister or brother. some of you need to actually set goals to change...because guess what....you CAN. you're the only one controlling your destiny...because you have the CHOICE whether or not today is going to be the day you choose to change. change is a choice, friends...it doesn't happen by wanting it to happen. it's a fight....a pro-active movement....a conscious decision. we all have things we want to change...some of them are unrealistic and skewed....but some of them NEED to change. sit down...get really REAL with yourself about the area of your life you're treading water in....and make a PLAN to change. do you need a counselor? do you need accountability? do you need an escape route when things get bad? do you need to buck down and go to college....pack up and chase your dreams?
sometimes...the only one who can push you forward...is you. take the first step...and i promise...there will be someone there to pull you foward.
love you, friends.....take a listen and let me know what you think.
xoxoxoxo, sista christa
the intro to the video says much of this...but just to elaborate.
do you have areas in your life...that you WANT to be moving forward in...you could be...you should be...but you just can't seem to go anywhere. it's it's a struggle to stay where you are....treading water...moving your hands and feet back and forth to keep your head above the surface of the water...just to keep air in your lungs?
i felt that way for years. i felt that if i couldn't get to shore...but if i quit struggling and fighting...i'd sink. sometimes i wanted to sink...i wanted to sink more than anything from exhaustion. sometime i just wanted to die, if i'm being honest...but deep down i never had the guts to just completely give up. the second i'd slip below the surface and start to suffocate...i'd start struggling again to get my head back up to the surface. we were created to fight...we were made to want life, even when life is hard...there's something deep down that knows there's hope, that knows there peace.
your situation might not be that extreme. it might be a job that you hate....a dead end workplace where you can't fulfill your dreams. it might be a guy....a friend...a family member....and you fight and fight to get somewhere and find yourself right back in the same place again. it might be a dream you've given up on....it seems too hard or too far off.
for YEARS i wanted things to change....but i didn't have a clue how to change them. i'd make plans...to lose weight...to get out and socialize more...to change this, to change that...to play my songs out to get 'discovered'....to get a better job....to use my college degree...to be a better friend, a better person....whatever. i'd want to change...but when it came down to it, the black hole destruction was bigger and stronger than anything, it seemed.
some of you need to get HELP. some of you need to finally crack, tell your parents you're struggling, tell your best friend, your pastor, your sister or brother. some of you need to actually set goals to change...because guess what....you CAN. you're the only one controlling your destiny...because you have the CHOICE whether or not today is going to be the day you choose to change. change is a choice, friends...it doesn't happen by wanting it to happen. it's a fight....a pro-active movement....a conscious decision. we all have things we want to change...some of them are unrealistic and skewed....but some of them NEED to change. sit down...get really REAL with yourself about the area of your life you're treading water in....and make a PLAN to change. do you need a counselor? do you need accountability? do you need an escape route when things get bad? do you need to buck down and go to college....pack up and chase your dreams?
sometimes...the only one who can push you forward...is you. take the first step...and i promise...there will be someone there to pull you foward.
love you, friends.....take a listen and let me know what you think.
xoxoxoxo, sista christa
Thursday, September 10, 2009
me part 36...& the attack of the television zombies.
S.H. is asleep next to me. i went to sleep around 1.30 am west coast time...and talked to him as he was getting up at 4.30 am east coast time to get on a plane and come back home. so i went to sleep...slept until 11 am...just as his flight got in. so needless to say....he's passed out asleep on the couch next to me from exhaustion.
the funny thing is...i'd rather be sitting at home with him asleep on the couch...than out doing anything else in the entire world.
so i'm going to talk about one of my 'danger zones.' we all have them...things that trigger us into cycles of destructive behavior. God has healed me of SO much....my heart is a completely different heart beating inside of my chest....but there's one thing that, almost every single time, gets me.
in the last several years...especially when i was dealing with my eating disorder and living out from under my parents roof where i wasn't really accountable to anyone....i would go into crazy states of hibernation. now, there's good hibernation...when you need to just REST...but there's recluse-ville when you're avoiding everyone because you're in a bad head-space.
so luke left monday....and tuesday, i made the mistake of renting prison break. sometimes...not all the time...but sometimes, when i park myself in front of the tv with no one else around....i get...well, sad. that's the best way to describe it. it's like this big fat cloud comes and camps out over me and just rains and rains and rains...fogging my thinking, my emotions...everything.
and it's funny, because inside of me....i KNOW that i know that i know...that if just get myself up out of bed and get dressed, and go outside and just go to STARBUCKS...the fog lifts, and i get back into my right mind....but there's this seductive pull towards the 'giving up' that's stronger than iron chains. there's something in me that LONGS to just lay there, watch movies all day, and come out on top at the end of the day...but i can say from experience....
this NEVER happens. ever. the second i let myself go into that headspace of 'giving up'....i'm a goner. always.
my favorite definition of insanity is this: doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.
i KNOW this about myself. i know...that if i'm completely alone, if i don't get myself up and out of the house, i'm going to get down and sad and sink into my ugly pit. it's a pit that's been there for a long, long time....and it's hard to describe, but it's there. i know a lot of creative people who are like this. we need people around us...not all the time, of course, but the only time it ever happens...is if i'm completely alone.
tv. it's always been my escape. i wasn't allowed to watch much growing up...so my perception of it was...if i was watching a lot of it...i was being 'bad.' (mom & dad have changed a lot since we were little..but back then...it wasn't seen as a good thing). so that 'bad' feeling, if i just let myself go in front of the tv, is coupled with the feeling of 'shame'...then the shame leads to me feeling awful, and just wanting to throw in the towel and not see anyone or do anything but be 'bad.' i know, i know...it sounds crazy....but it's very real to me. we all have our means of escape...the internet, tv, movies, alcohol, eating, cutting, chat rooms, whatever. they're things we run to when we want to escape reality. ALL of these things are ok in moderation (well, not cutting)....but when they're used as a means of escape, they can become dangerous.
if i didn't want to face something...or if i was depressed that things weren't going the way i wanted to, or i had no idea how to get them going at all, i would throw in the towel and just zone out in front of the tv. numbing myself by keeping my brain entertained kept me from facing the world i was meant to live in victory in....the world i was destined to overcome....to change...to bring life to.
anything thoughts that don't bring life....are lies. end of story. if your head and your thoughts are a cycle of destruction...fear...shame....hatred...negative....they're lies. you were created for one thing....not just to live, but to be ALIVE. WE WERE CREATED FOR GREATNESS....to be overcomers...world-changers....destiny shapers....life-givers. i realize, there's a very real enemy who wants to keep me from knowing the life i was born to live...and works overtime to keep me in the deception that keeps me away from who i was created to be.
so i've looked at this pattern in my life...and now, i have to actively make preparations to change it. as much as i've always hated admitting i'm weak, i emailed one of my best friends here in town last night exposing everything. i want to let her know, that if i'm alone...i need accountability to not continue this cycle when lucas is out of town. that's step ONE. step two is getting myself ready BEFORE it happens next time, to have an escape plan. when lucas leaves for business again next week, i'm going to not only have a plan for my days, but tell my friend who is here, to hold myself to what i've planned.
what are you struggling with in your life that is leading you down the same road to destruction over and over? what cycles bring anything but life into your world? identify them...and then come up with a PLAN to fight them. this thing isn't going to change in me, as much as i want it to. i would love to be a normal veg...just vegging out from time to time while i'm alone. but history has shown me....i don't work that way, for whatever reason, right now. so until i'm free in this area, i have to find ways to fight it.
what area do you need a plan to fight? what are practical ways, you can start fighting BACK instead of just letting destruction happen in your life over and over again. remember...insanity is doing the same thing over and over...expecting different results. let's stop the insanity, shall we? let's stop doing the same patterns...expecting things to change.
let's formulate escape plans for where the darkness tries to trap us.
love running this race with you, dear friends. love it so much....
xoxoxoxo, sista christa
the funny thing is...i'd rather be sitting at home with him asleep on the couch...than out doing anything else in the entire world.
so i'm going to talk about one of my 'danger zones.' we all have them...things that trigger us into cycles of destructive behavior. God has healed me of SO much....my heart is a completely different heart beating inside of my chest....but there's one thing that, almost every single time, gets me.
in the last several years...especially when i was dealing with my eating disorder and living out from under my parents roof where i wasn't really accountable to anyone....i would go into crazy states of hibernation. now, there's good hibernation...when you need to just REST...but there's recluse-ville when you're avoiding everyone because you're in a bad head-space.
so luke left monday....and tuesday, i made the mistake of renting prison break. sometimes...not all the time...but sometimes, when i park myself in front of the tv with no one else around....i get...well, sad. that's the best way to describe it. it's like this big fat cloud comes and camps out over me and just rains and rains and rains...fogging my thinking, my emotions...everything.
and it's funny, because inside of me....i KNOW that i know that i know...that if just get myself up out of bed and get dressed, and go outside and just go to STARBUCKS...the fog lifts, and i get back into my right mind....but there's this seductive pull towards the 'giving up' that's stronger than iron chains. there's something in me that LONGS to just lay there, watch movies all day, and come out on top at the end of the day...but i can say from experience....
this NEVER happens. ever. the second i let myself go into that headspace of 'giving up'....i'm a goner. always.
my favorite definition of insanity is this: doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.
i KNOW this about myself. i know...that if i'm completely alone, if i don't get myself up and out of the house, i'm going to get down and sad and sink into my ugly pit. it's a pit that's been there for a long, long time....and it's hard to describe, but it's there. i know a lot of creative people who are like this. we need people around us...not all the time, of course, but the only time it ever happens...is if i'm completely alone.
tv. it's always been my escape. i wasn't allowed to watch much growing up...so my perception of it was...if i was watching a lot of it...i was being 'bad.' (mom & dad have changed a lot since we were little..but back then...it wasn't seen as a good thing). so that 'bad' feeling, if i just let myself go in front of the tv, is coupled with the feeling of 'shame'...then the shame leads to me feeling awful, and just wanting to throw in the towel and not see anyone or do anything but be 'bad.' i know, i know...it sounds crazy....but it's very real to me. we all have our means of escape...the internet, tv, movies, alcohol, eating, cutting, chat rooms, whatever. they're things we run to when we want to escape reality. ALL of these things are ok in moderation (well, not cutting)....but when they're used as a means of escape, they can become dangerous.
if i didn't want to face something...or if i was depressed that things weren't going the way i wanted to, or i had no idea how to get them going at all, i would throw in the towel and just zone out in front of the tv. numbing myself by keeping my brain entertained kept me from facing the world i was meant to live in victory in....the world i was destined to overcome....to change...to bring life to.
anything thoughts that don't bring life....are lies. end of story. if your head and your thoughts are a cycle of destruction...fear...shame....hatred...negative....they're lies. you were created for one thing....not just to live, but to be ALIVE. WE WERE CREATED FOR GREATNESS....to be overcomers...world-changers....destiny shapers....life-givers. i realize, there's a very real enemy who wants to keep me from knowing the life i was born to live...and works overtime to keep me in the deception that keeps me away from who i was created to be.
so i've looked at this pattern in my life...and now, i have to actively make preparations to change it. as much as i've always hated admitting i'm weak, i emailed one of my best friends here in town last night exposing everything. i want to let her know, that if i'm alone...i need accountability to not continue this cycle when lucas is out of town. that's step ONE. step two is getting myself ready BEFORE it happens next time, to have an escape plan. when lucas leaves for business again next week, i'm going to not only have a plan for my days, but tell my friend who is here, to hold myself to what i've planned.
what are you struggling with in your life that is leading you down the same road to destruction over and over? what cycles bring anything but life into your world? identify them...and then come up with a PLAN to fight them. this thing isn't going to change in me, as much as i want it to. i would love to be a normal veg...just vegging out from time to time while i'm alone. but history has shown me....i don't work that way, for whatever reason, right now. so until i'm free in this area, i have to find ways to fight it.
what area do you need a plan to fight? what are practical ways, you can start fighting BACK instead of just letting destruction happen in your life over and over again. remember...insanity is doing the same thing over and over...expecting different results. let's stop the insanity, shall we? let's stop doing the same patterns...expecting things to change.
let's formulate escape plans for where the darkness tries to trap us.
love running this race with you, dear friends. love it so much....
xoxoxoxo, sista christa
Monday, September 7, 2009
labor day fiesta.....
so.....
hubs left today...and i was going to start my book, but it just didn't seem right to start writing it on labor day. so instead, i cleaned my whole house...finished unpacking (i still hadn't unpacked my suitcase from tour...haha.), did laundry, and had a labor day hot dog cookout with friends.
sounds like a successful day to me.
just wanted to write a few encouraging words before starting up 'prison break season one' for the first time. (i hear it's amazing...so we'll see.....)
you.....yes, you. the one reading this......the one whose eyes are moving across the page.....
you....are.....unbelievable. fashioned and created after the most beautiful being in the universe...the God who emanates beauty. if his nature is beauty....and you were created in his likeness, then you...are...beautiful. there's no way you can't be. your smile is just as it's supposed to be. your eyes. the way you talk...the way you move...the way you laugh. you are perfectly created to be just as you are.
how narrow-minded are we to believe that only a certain 'look' equals beauty. and who taught us to believe that way in the first place? did you know....that in the 60's, designers decided that since their models were so beautiful and voluptuous that no one was looking at their clothes, they would go to tuberculosis clinics and get walking skin and bone hangers for their clothes to walk down the runway? what was meant to be a ploy to get more people looking at the actual clothes, society twisted into believing that was the new norm as beautiful.
who defines your beauty? who decides whether or not you feel beautiful or not? magazines are air brushed perfect. BELIEVE ME...no one looks that good in person...and yet, we strive to achieve an impossible that doesn't even exist.
until you love yourself...until you look in the mirror and actively choose to CHANGE your mindset about what you see.....others will agree with you. they agreed with me for years until i started to agree with what God said about me.....and dear friends...it changed EVERYTHING.
you are loved. eternally. you are cherished...always. you're looked at and longed for by your Father who created you...in fact, he's always reaching for you...always running towards you....always hoping you'll take one little moment, and look his way. his heart isn't for you to act a certain way....his deepest desire is for relationship with him....for you to know him...what he likes...what he sounds like...what his laugh is like....what his smile is like.....
no matter what anyone else on this earth has told you or is telling you....
you are special...to the point of violent love dying for you....waring for you....praying for you....fighting for you.
if no one in your world is fighting for you....there is always one who is. always one who cares. always one who loves...
forever.
run into his arms.....they're always open, sweet friends.
love you so much. always praying for each and every one of you...
xoxoxoxoox, sista christa
hubs left today...and i was going to start my book, but it just didn't seem right to start writing it on labor day. so instead, i cleaned my whole house...finished unpacking (i still hadn't unpacked my suitcase from tour...haha.), did laundry, and had a labor day hot dog cookout with friends.
sounds like a successful day to me.
just wanted to write a few encouraging words before starting up 'prison break season one' for the first time. (i hear it's amazing...so we'll see.....)
you.....yes, you. the one reading this......the one whose eyes are moving across the page.....
you....are.....unbelievable. fashioned and created after the most beautiful being in the universe...the God who emanates beauty. if his nature is beauty....and you were created in his likeness, then you...are...beautiful. there's no way you can't be. your smile is just as it's supposed to be. your eyes. the way you talk...the way you move...the way you laugh. you are perfectly created to be just as you are.
how narrow-minded are we to believe that only a certain 'look' equals beauty. and who taught us to believe that way in the first place? did you know....that in the 60's, designers decided that since their models were so beautiful and voluptuous that no one was looking at their clothes, they would go to tuberculosis clinics and get walking skin and bone hangers for their clothes to walk down the runway? what was meant to be a ploy to get more people looking at the actual clothes, society twisted into believing that was the new norm as beautiful.
who defines your beauty? who decides whether or not you feel beautiful or not? magazines are air brushed perfect. BELIEVE ME...no one looks that good in person...and yet, we strive to achieve an impossible that doesn't even exist.
until you love yourself...until you look in the mirror and actively choose to CHANGE your mindset about what you see.....others will agree with you. they agreed with me for years until i started to agree with what God said about me.....and dear friends...it changed EVERYTHING.
you are loved. eternally. you are cherished...always. you're looked at and longed for by your Father who created you...in fact, he's always reaching for you...always running towards you....always hoping you'll take one little moment, and look his way. his heart isn't for you to act a certain way....his deepest desire is for relationship with him....for you to know him...what he likes...what he sounds like...what his laugh is like....what his smile is like.....
no matter what anyone else on this earth has told you or is telling you....
you are special...to the point of violent love dying for you....waring for you....praying for you....fighting for you.
if no one in your world is fighting for you....there is always one who is. always one who cares. always one who loves...
forever.
run into his arms.....they're always open, sweet friends.
love you so much. always praying for each and every one of you...
xoxoxoxoox, sista christa
Saturday, September 5, 2009
to the guy...
who offered to do a layout for this page way back at the beginning....
i went back through and could not, for the life of me, find your comment. if you read this...can you give me your contact info? i'd love to spruce up the place a bit. (:
thanks.
xx, christa
ps...to all my sweet readers....love you all.
went back to church this morning (i'm telling you...i'm a love-junkie)....and while i was just basking in the revelation of the love of our rad God....i got the most amazing picture for a friend.
last night, one of the pastors said a quick comment about the 'refrigerator always being wide open.' so i'm sitting there today...thinking about that...and i get this very vivid picture of a friend standing in front of that fridge.
the friend was very small (even though he's an adult...)...and he was standing in front of this MASSIVE refrigerator standing open. inside the fridge was EVERYTHING he could possibly need....buckets of love...joy..peace...patience....power....freedom...favor...deliverance...EVERYTHING he could possibly ever need! i saw him just tearing into the buckets....just GORGING himself on the feast of what God has for him....and the crazy thing is...the more he ate...the more food appeared in the fridge! the more he FEASTED on peace....the more he became peace, and the more peace was available to him. the more joy he ate...the more he became joy and the more joy became ready for him. it was amazing...because it was endless....and it was ALWAYS there.
i texted him....laughing my head off....just watching him stuff his FACE with the presents God has for him EVERY SINGLE DAY. i saw him getting fatter and fatter with the most AMAZING things...the things we take pills for to calm us down...the things we cut for...the things we eat for...the things we cry for.....they were there....ALWAYS...IN ABUNDANCE!
i love how generous our God is. he's ridiculously generous! he doesn't look at us and say....'you deserve a small amount of joy because you haven't been good enough....' he says....'there are ENDLESS amounts of joy for you....not because of anything you've done...but because I LOVE TO GIVE!!!' he's THAT good, friends....he's got ENDLESS amounts of peace, and i kNOW many of you need peace. he's got ENDLESS amounts of love...and i kNOW thousands of you need buckets of his love RIGHT NOW.
some of you need to 'reset' your head and your heart as to the generosity of God. he says to 'ask and you will receive...seek and you will find...knock and the door will be opened to you.' so try it. ASK him for the peace that passes all understanding. ASK him for supernatural joy that comes from within. ASK him for it, friends. open up the fridge and see what he has in there for you...
it's WAY better than you can imagine and it NEVER runs out. ever. no matter what you do...no matter what you've done. his fridge is always full....of everything you could ever need.
try it. it tastes good.
xoxoxoo, sista christa
i went back through and could not, for the life of me, find your comment. if you read this...can you give me your contact info? i'd love to spruce up the place a bit. (:
thanks.
xx, christa
ps...to all my sweet readers....love you all.
went back to church this morning (i'm telling you...i'm a love-junkie)....and while i was just basking in the revelation of the love of our rad God....i got the most amazing picture for a friend.
last night, one of the pastors said a quick comment about the 'refrigerator always being wide open.' so i'm sitting there today...thinking about that...and i get this very vivid picture of a friend standing in front of that fridge.
the friend was very small (even though he's an adult...)...and he was standing in front of this MASSIVE refrigerator standing open. inside the fridge was EVERYTHING he could possibly need....buckets of love...joy..peace...patience....power....freedom...favor...deliverance...EVERYTHING he could possibly ever need! i saw him just tearing into the buckets....just GORGING himself on the feast of what God has for him....and the crazy thing is...the more he ate...the more food appeared in the fridge! the more he FEASTED on peace....the more he became peace, and the more peace was available to him. the more joy he ate...the more he became joy and the more joy became ready for him. it was amazing...because it was endless....and it was ALWAYS there.
i texted him....laughing my head off....just watching him stuff his FACE with the presents God has for him EVERY SINGLE DAY. i saw him getting fatter and fatter with the most AMAZING things...the things we take pills for to calm us down...the things we cut for...the things we eat for...the things we cry for.....they were there....ALWAYS...IN ABUNDANCE!
i love how generous our God is. he's ridiculously generous! he doesn't look at us and say....'you deserve a small amount of joy because you haven't been good enough....' he says....'there are ENDLESS amounts of joy for you....not because of anything you've done...but because I LOVE TO GIVE!!!' he's THAT good, friends....he's got ENDLESS amounts of peace, and i kNOW many of you need peace. he's got ENDLESS amounts of love...and i kNOW thousands of you need buckets of his love RIGHT NOW.
some of you need to 'reset' your head and your heart as to the generosity of God. he says to 'ask and you will receive...seek and you will find...knock and the door will be opened to you.' so try it. ASK him for the peace that passes all understanding. ASK him for supernatural joy that comes from within. ASK him for it, friends. open up the fridge and see what he has in there for you...
it's WAY better than you can imagine and it NEVER runs out. ever. no matter what you do...no matter what you've done. his fridge is always full....of everything you could ever need.
try it. it tastes good.
xoxoxoo, sista christa
Friday, September 4, 2009
couch potato
hello friends.
the few days of rest...were exactly what i needed. lots of couch time...lots of movies...lots of hours aimlessly surfing the internet. loved every minute of it. felt guilty over and over being idle...and stud hubs was there to ease me back down and remind me i've been 'going' for 4 months...and just to CHILL. he waited on me hand and foot. what a stud hubs....my best friend in the whole world.
we went to church tonight...were an hour late from me waking up at 7 from a 2 hour nap (glorious)....and when we walked in the door, i hit a wall. now, some of you know what i'm talking about...and some of you have never experienced this 'wall'. the 'presence of God' is something i'm an addicted to and have an insatiable thirst for. it's amazing how when God's kids get together and sing to him...or just gather because of him....he loves to show up. loves it. he loves to be with us....he LOVES it. my arms instantly filled with chill-bumps...this crazy peace fell all over me, and i couldn't help but long for more. it's the best feeling in the universe...the most amazing 'presence.'
so many of you have been writing me of stories of your experiences with him. i love every single one of them. it's amazing how when we start to talk to him....he actually shows up! he actually talks back! these 'experiences' i'm talking about are amazing....but there's got to be some realm of truth to what you're experiencing. what's helped me SO much is finding out what the Bible says about God...what his character is like...what he likes...how he loves me, so put the truth about who he is, and the experience you're having together...and there's NO limit.
if you're hearing a 'God' who is condemning you...and making you feel shame and guilt for who you are and what you've done....it's NOT God. i used to pray, and hear a harsh voice berating me for things i'd done and who i was. it took me years to realize...that's not him! his character of love...of grace...of mercy...when he brings conviction over my heart, it's ALWAYS done in love. always. i never feel ashamed or unloved...i always feel moved towards change...not shamed into change. i hate shame. ick. it's the worst feeling in the world.....and it's NEVER of God. ever. if you're feeling shame for something...anything....
it's lies.
if you're feeling shame for your eating disorder...you will stay in that cycle of bulemia or anorexia because the shame of it produces the same actions over and over. being off the road has been good for me...but the couch time has allowed my arse to put on a few. now...i'm not stupid...i know i'm not FAT...but my button on my jeans was a bit tight tonight. my head started to instantly go towards 'shame.' "christa, you SHOULDN'T have eaten that...you SHOULDN'T have let yourself go the last few days...you SHOULDN'T....." i stopped, and in the words of my wise mother....STOPPED SHOULDING ON MYSELF! (haha) i closed my eyes and accepted myself RIGHT NOW as i am....and came out under any shame i had for not being as 'put together' as i usually am with my eating.....and instantly, everything changed! because i had GRACE for myself a few pounds heavier, all of a sudden, i wasn't under shame to correct what i'd done! i wasn't scheming on how i could 'fix' this mistake...skip a dessert here, work out there....none of the old tricks! the second the 'shame' for the couple of pounds was put under the grace i'm under through my best friend Jesus (who ROCKS at gushing grace.....it's all he is...and all he knows)...i stopped worrying about being the one to fix it!
my cycles of addictive behavior over the years were because i lived under massive amounts of SHAME. shame for what i wasn't...shame for what i should be...shame for what i should have said and didn't....shame for how i didn't look. the shame of my failure with eating fueled my shame for my weight which fueled my shame for my appearance which fueled my shame for me not having a boyfriend which fueled my shame for being an idiot which fueled more shame shame shame. and, of course, the shame led to more cycles of bad behavior.
shame is at the root of so many of our problems....and not a moment of it is of my beautiful God. romans 8:1 says, 'there is therefore, now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." none...zero...zilch.
what are you condemning yourself for right now? what is the condemnation you're allowing in...or your parents have on you, or your friends...what massive amounts of shame is it producing over your life that's birthing cycles of destruction?? see, anything that's not producing LIFE in your life is not of God...because God loves LIFE! he's the author of it...plants, trees, animals, people....life, life, life. shame comes in....and kills life. it kills dreams. it kills hope. it kills joy.
beautiful friends...it is NOT of God. ever. no matter what you've done....there is always love waiting for you at the end of it. always.
it's waiting for you now. run into the arms of love...pure love..perfect love. the one who knows you best...the one who knows everything about you and STILL says.....'she's MINE.'
love you, sweet friends. praying for you always...
xoxo, sista christa
the few days of rest...were exactly what i needed. lots of couch time...lots of movies...lots of hours aimlessly surfing the internet. loved every minute of it. felt guilty over and over being idle...and stud hubs was there to ease me back down and remind me i've been 'going' for 4 months...and just to CHILL. he waited on me hand and foot. what a stud hubs....my best friend in the whole world.
we went to church tonight...were an hour late from me waking up at 7 from a 2 hour nap (glorious)....and when we walked in the door, i hit a wall. now, some of you know what i'm talking about...and some of you have never experienced this 'wall'. the 'presence of God' is something i'm an addicted to and have an insatiable thirst for. it's amazing how when God's kids get together and sing to him...or just gather because of him....he loves to show up. loves it. he loves to be with us....he LOVES it. my arms instantly filled with chill-bumps...this crazy peace fell all over me, and i couldn't help but long for more. it's the best feeling in the universe...the most amazing 'presence.'
so many of you have been writing me of stories of your experiences with him. i love every single one of them. it's amazing how when we start to talk to him....he actually shows up! he actually talks back! these 'experiences' i'm talking about are amazing....but there's got to be some realm of truth to what you're experiencing. what's helped me SO much is finding out what the Bible says about God...what his character is like...what he likes...how he loves me, so put the truth about who he is, and the experience you're having together...and there's NO limit.
if you're hearing a 'God' who is condemning you...and making you feel shame and guilt for who you are and what you've done....it's NOT God. i used to pray, and hear a harsh voice berating me for things i'd done and who i was. it took me years to realize...that's not him! his character of love...of grace...of mercy...when he brings conviction over my heart, it's ALWAYS done in love. always. i never feel ashamed or unloved...i always feel moved towards change...not shamed into change. i hate shame. ick. it's the worst feeling in the world.....and it's NEVER of God. ever. if you're feeling shame for something...anything....
it's lies.
if you're feeling shame for your eating disorder...you will stay in that cycle of bulemia or anorexia because the shame of it produces the same actions over and over. being off the road has been good for me...but the couch time has allowed my arse to put on a few. now...i'm not stupid...i know i'm not FAT...but my button on my jeans was a bit tight tonight. my head started to instantly go towards 'shame.' "christa, you SHOULDN'T have eaten that...you SHOULDN'T have let yourself go the last few days...you SHOULDN'T....." i stopped, and in the words of my wise mother....STOPPED SHOULDING ON MYSELF! (haha) i closed my eyes and accepted myself RIGHT NOW as i am....and came out under any shame i had for not being as 'put together' as i usually am with my eating.....and instantly, everything changed! because i had GRACE for myself a few pounds heavier, all of a sudden, i wasn't under shame to correct what i'd done! i wasn't scheming on how i could 'fix' this mistake...skip a dessert here, work out there....none of the old tricks! the second the 'shame' for the couple of pounds was put under the grace i'm under through my best friend Jesus (who ROCKS at gushing grace.....it's all he is...and all he knows)...i stopped worrying about being the one to fix it!
my cycles of addictive behavior over the years were because i lived under massive amounts of SHAME. shame for what i wasn't...shame for what i should be...shame for what i should have said and didn't....shame for how i didn't look. the shame of my failure with eating fueled my shame for my weight which fueled my shame for my appearance which fueled my shame for me not having a boyfriend which fueled my shame for being an idiot which fueled more shame shame shame. and, of course, the shame led to more cycles of bad behavior.
shame is at the root of so many of our problems....and not a moment of it is of my beautiful God. romans 8:1 says, 'there is therefore, now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." none...zero...zilch.
what are you condemning yourself for right now? what is the condemnation you're allowing in...or your parents have on you, or your friends...what massive amounts of shame is it producing over your life that's birthing cycles of destruction?? see, anything that's not producing LIFE in your life is not of God...because God loves LIFE! he's the author of it...plants, trees, animals, people....life, life, life. shame comes in....and kills life. it kills dreams. it kills hope. it kills joy.
beautiful friends...it is NOT of God. ever. no matter what you've done....there is always love waiting for you at the end of it. always.
it's waiting for you now. run into the arms of love...pure love..perfect love. the one who knows you best...the one who knows everything about you and STILL says.....'she's MINE.'
love you, sweet friends. praying for you always...
xoxo, sista christa
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
me part....end of tour.....
i'm sitting in the san francisco airport, about to hit my last leg of the flight....
and (boo, hiss)....it's delayed. it's amazing how, when you haven't been home for 4 MONTHS....30 minutes feels like a couple of weeks. thank goodness my beautiful stud hubs taught me how to tether internet from my iphone to my computer....so i can actually pop on here and write a few words before i sink into hibernation for a few days.
the tour was incredible. taxing at times....not being able to have a home for that long...but definitely worth it. i learned so much about myself...so much about relationships...about people...about things i want to work on and things i need to take to God to heal me. when you live in close proximity with a group of people for that long....things tend to surface, as usual. i used to take that as a BAD thing. when i saw an area of my life that needed to change...i would just get frustrated and down on myself...but the funny thing is, scripture says that we're tried in the fire to come out as pure gold. the impurities in the gold will stay in there until the fire gets REALLY hot...then they come to the surface and are able to be filtered out. i want my heart to be PURE. i want my actions and my intentions to be PURE. they're not always....and i see that sometimes....but instead of running in shame that i'm not 'perfect'....i actually LOVE running into the arms of my Father who is SO powerful, he can change anything.
i was never intended to change myself. in fact, i can't. i can do a little....i can start the process...i can be pro-active...but i can't actually CHANGE a negative heart into a positive one. i can't actually just instantly one day, wake up, snap my fingers, and NOT be insecure in certain areas. it took me a lifetime to realize, God doesn't actually want me to do this, either, and i thought he did for so long. my perception of him, was that he was looking down his nose at me, waiting for me to 'get my act together...' when the whole time, he's sitting there going, 'christa...i KNOW you can't do it on your own....which is why i want you to run to me!'
i got the most beautiful myspace message today from a girl....saying after she read my blog the other night, she laid on her bed, and just started talking to God...about things that were bothering her...about stuff that was going wrong....and suddenly, she was in tears, super emotional, and crying out to a God she had never known. she began to ask for peace....and all of a sudden, a peace fell over her that was so weighty that she actually felt drunk! how cool is THAT? and the sad thing is...i know a lot of 'dedicated christians' who have lived a lifetime without experiencing God like that. many churches will tell you that's an 'emotional' experience....and you need to 'understand' everything. how many romantic relationships do you know....where the two people have only experienced each other intellectually? NONE! none of us would go to a movie like that...or buy that love story. there's a REASON why millions of women are flocking to twilight...because of the ROMANCE! i'm convinced this is why so many people have such a hard time relating to God...because they think that they're supposed to know him with only their intellect.
i'm telling you....it wasn't my understanding of God that changed my life...it was MEETING God that changed my life. it was having an EXPERIENCE with him. it's what we all want, isn't it? love. we want love. we want to experience love. we want romance...we want to feel that passion, that tingle up and down your spine. why in the world...if we were created in the image of God...would he not want to relate to us at the level we LONG to be related to? we LONG to be loved. we LONG for romance.
'the sacred romance' was one of my favorite books. it put my relationship with God into terms i could finally understand.....EMOTIONAL terms. i'm an emotional person....good grief, i'm definitely a woman. and forever, i thought i was 'wrong' for being that way. i love it when God spoke to me and told me he actually loves me that way...that he actually created me that way. now, i don't just accept any emotion i'm having and ride with it...because like i said, our emotions do stem from our thoughts....and sometimes our thoughts are rooted in lies. if i just 'went with' the initial feeling i had every time i looked in the mirror....i'd be a mess all the time. but instead....i look in the mirror....and if my head starts to move toward the negative....i ACTIVELY remind myself of how amazing i am as a daughter of the God of the universe...how loved i am....how i'm created in his image, and he doesn't make junk!
that was a tangent...and my flight is about to board...
but....really quick...GOD WANTS TO RELATE TO YOU ON THE LEVEL YOU LONG TO BE REACHED AT....AT YOUR HEART...YOUR SOUL...YOUR EMOTIONS! it's OK that you want to feel him. it's OK that you want to experience him...because guess what...he WANTS that for you. more to come on this.....but it's a start.
God gave us a mind for a reason....but he also gave us emotions for a reason. he loves using BOTH components to connect with him...sometimes people get lop-sided one way or the other...but i find....he loves to use BOTH ways to connect with us...to connect with you....
promise....he's waiting.
ask him. (:
lOVE YOU ALL, SWEET FRIENDS!!!!!!
sista christa
and (boo, hiss)....it's delayed. it's amazing how, when you haven't been home for 4 MONTHS....30 minutes feels like a couple of weeks. thank goodness my beautiful stud hubs taught me how to tether internet from my iphone to my computer....so i can actually pop on here and write a few words before i sink into hibernation for a few days.
the tour was incredible. taxing at times....not being able to have a home for that long...but definitely worth it. i learned so much about myself...so much about relationships...about people...about things i want to work on and things i need to take to God to heal me. when you live in close proximity with a group of people for that long....things tend to surface, as usual. i used to take that as a BAD thing. when i saw an area of my life that needed to change...i would just get frustrated and down on myself...but the funny thing is, scripture says that we're tried in the fire to come out as pure gold. the impurities in the gold will stay in there until the fire gets REALLY hot...then they come to the surface and are able to be filtered out. i want my heart to be PURE. i want my actions and my intentions to be PURE. they're not always....and i see that sometimes....but instead of running in shame that i'm not 'perfect'....i actually LOVE running into the arms of my Father who is SO powerful, he can change anything.
i was never intended to change myself. in fact, i can't. i can do a little....i can start the process...i can be pro-active...but i can't actually CHANGE a negative heart into a positive one. i can't actually just instantly one day, wake up, snap my fingers, and NOT be insecure in certain areas. it took me a lifetime to realize, God doesn't actually want me to do this, either, and i thought he did for so long. my perception of him, was that he was looking down his nose at me, waiting for me to 'get my act together...' when the whole time, he's sitting there going, 'christa...i KNOW you can't do it on your own....which is why i want you to run to me!'
i got the most beautiful myspace message today from a girl....saying after she read my blog the other night, she laid on her bed, and just started talking to God...about things that were bothering her...about stuff that was going wrong....and suddenly, she was in tears, super emotional, and crying out to a God she had never known. she began to ask for peace....and all of a sudden, a peace fell over her that was so weighty that she actually felt drunk! how cool is THAT? and the sad thing is...i know a lot of 'dedicated christians' who have lived a lifetime without experiencing God like that. many churches will tell you that's an 'emotional' experience....and you need to 'understand' everything. how many romantic relationships do you know....where the two people have only experienced each other intellectually? NONE! none of us would go to a movie like that...or buy that love story. there's a REASON why millions of women are flocking to twilight...because of the ROMANCE! i'm convinced this is why so many people have such a hard time relating to God...because they think that they're supposed to know him with only their intellect.
i'm telling you....it wasn't my understanding of God that changed my life...it was MEETING God that changed my life. it was having an EXPERIENCE with him. it's what we all want, isn't it? love. we want love. we want to experience love. we want romance...we want to feel that passion, that tingle up and down your spine. why in the world...if we were created in the image of God...would he not want to relate to us at the level we LONG to be related to? we LONG to be loved. we LONG for romance.
'the sacred romance' was one of my favorite books. it put my relationship with God into terms i could finally understand.....EMOTIONAL terms. i'm an emotional person....good grief, i'm definitely a woman. and forever, i thought i was 'wrong' for being that way. i love it when God spoke to me and told me he actually loves me that way...that he actually created me that way. now, i don't just accept any emotion i'm having and ride with it...because like i said, our emotions do stem from our thoughts....and sometimes our thoughts are rooted in lies. if i just 'went with' the initial feeling i had every time i looked in the mirror....i'd be a mess all the time. but instead....i look in the mirror....and if my head starts to move toward the negative....i ACTIVELY remind myself of how amazing i am as a daughter of the God of the universe...how loved i am....how i'm created in his image, and he doesn't make junk!
that was a tangent...and my flight is about to board...
but....really quick...GOD WANTS TO RELATE TO YOU ON THE LEVEL YOU LONG TO BE REACHED AT....AT YOUR HEART...YOUR SOUL...YOUR EMOTIONS! it's OK that you want to feel him. it's OK that you want to experience him...because guess what...he WANTS that for you. more to come on this.....but it's a start.
God gave us a mind for a reason....but he also gave us emotions for a reason. he loves using BOTH components to connect with him...sometimes people get lop-sided one way or the other...but i find....he loves to use BOTH ways to connect with us...to connect with you....
promise....he's waiting.
ask him. (:
lOVE YOU ALL, SWEET FRIENDS!!!!!!
sista christa
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